The more I try the more I lose, each day I wake up and try to put this behind me swear I am going to go on but each day brings something new to remind me.
Today as I am eating dinner with my daughter and grand kids my 3 year old looks at me and ask where is grand mom how come she doesn't eat with us anymore. No matter how you try to hide the hurt and not cry in front of them it still kills a little piece of you . I do hope someday I will be able to again be around my grand kids find peace in the comfort of them and my kids but today it only brings back memories of her and causes me great anxiety. I used to be so close to them all, and now my life has lost all lustre and closeness.
One of the many themes I have found with those in this crud is
the self doubt the wonder if they can ever love again, if trust
and their heart will ever go hand in hand. I do not know for sure
the answer. I do know that we have 2 choices to become cold and
withdrawn or to become better more caring and understanding people.
I am trying to opt for the later. This kind of pain makes you
dig deep for answers look to God for answers to questions you
never knew you had.
Not my subject title, but an editorial from Kathleen Parker of the Orlando Tribune. I'm just reproducing parts from it, but as one who was left by a spouse that wasn't happy, It truly caught my eye. By the way, I normally don't by the paper during the week, for some reason I did yesterday.
Her facts: Marriage is at a 40 years low. In the early 70's, 53% of married people were said to be "very happy". By 1996, only 37.8%. Their prediction (national Marriage project) That some areas of the country's young people (85%) will never marry. I find this hard to believe myself. Their reason, Afraid of being "unhappy". Happy marriages belong under the dictionary of Oxymoron's next to "deliciously low fat". That is not to say you won't experience happiness in marriage, many do. But happiness can never be an expectation in any endeavour involving human beings. Especially not in marriage, which she says is the toughest human arrangement ever conceived. (her words). Happiness isn't bestowed, you won't find it like a pearl in an oyster. You won't wake up on your 10th anniversary, examine the respiring mound beneath the covers next to you and exclaim, "dad gum I'm Happy!" If you do, I want your prescription and your doctors phone number. Like most things of value, marital happiness is earned, mostly through hard work and self sacrifice. Yet, Most learn early that nothing lasts, not even families, and that solutions to problems lie just beyond the exit. She says, we should spend as much time talking to our children about marriage as we do with sex. Straight talk about why we marry, purpose of marriage, and family in a stable society, and the importance of sticking out the tough times in spite of the occasional "unhappiness". The secret of marriage, we need to tell them, is understanding you have bad days, bad weeks, even bad months. In the absence of abuse, there is value to keeping your mouth shut and weathering the inevitable storms. There is value to GIVING MORE THAN YOU RECEIVE. THERE IS VALUE TO PLACING THE MARRIAGE--THE FAMILY, THE COMMON GOOD, THE HIGHER GOAL, ABOVE ONES INDIVIDUAL WANTS OR WISHES. The rules of family and society are really the same. Whither goes the family, so goes the other.
Take this for what you want, I personally enjoyed it. A little
reinforcement to what I think and preach. These are not my words,
so don't attack me if you disagree, Just sharing and that's what
we are all here for.