The breakup a marriage is one of the worst and most devastating things that can happen in your life. When the reality hits that it is over at first you cry, then you want to die, the pain you feel is like no other in the world. Your mind begins to race at100 miles per hour your entire life flashes before you. Disbelief is the only word I can use to describe what you think and feel. Your world becomes like a black and white photo it has no color, nothing has texture, food has no taste. Everywhere you turn you see couples together, happy while you’re in pain. You cannot eat, sleep becomes a joke, and if you do fall asleep you wake to nightmares covered in sweat. All you want to do is curl into a ball hide and let the world pass you by, you hope and pray each day that this will pass, the nightmare will end. Then if like most you beg your mate you write letters just knowing they will see what you feel they will care about the pain your in. Only to be meet with rejection and anger, this hurts you even deeper. Then you cry some more. Then the anger sets in you become bitter you want to strike out and cause the source of all this pain to feel what it is your feeling so you say and do things that no sane person would, you become spiteful, hateful and full of venom. Then the anger wears off and you fall lower into despair, hit depths you did not know anyone could.
Welcome to the roller coaster:
This is a pattern you will come to know well, the good thing is the highs and lows become less erratic with time. Things begin to even out and life starts to take on texture again you begin to eat and sleep. But be careful because just when you think I have made it over the hump I will be all right... it comes around again and the roller coaster ride begins anew. Next you begin to ask the question WHY? The holy grail of pain the one question with no answer or so many you cannot find them. But still you will ask and ask over in your mind. Then just when you think you have a handle on all the pain you will be at work or with friends and something with no meaning will set you off and you will start to cry, you try to control it but you can't.
How long will I feel like this?
No one knows that answer for you. Everyone is different some come out fairly fast some come out slowly, the best answer I have heard is give your self at least 1 month for every year married.
There is help out there visit a site called divorceinfo.com it has a bulletin board called Helping Each Other that is full of warm caring people going through the crud of divorce to help and share your feelings with. Also visit a site called divorceasfriends.com they offer good advice too.
I am a survivor I have made it thru the crud and now I am happier than ever God has blessed me in so many ways. I have meet wonderful people I would never have if this had not happened to me. Best of all God has given me an angel that has shown me what love is and how it should be she has shown me that love is real and that laughter is the best of all medicine.
Thank You Babe.
Given time you will find this yourself. LIFE CAN BE BETTER than ever. Remember 2 things "if you can dream it you can do it." and "Your success is your best revenge." Learn everyday that is something I suggest you do, get help take this time to get to know yourself and the how to make you happy learn from the mistakes we all make in marriage. I have spent and spend a lot of time on the HEO board mentioned above I have learned so much about people and what it takes to make marriage work how to make room for a mate in my life and to make them feel loved and still experience the growth and freedom they need to be who they are. I came out of this a new person a better person. And if your just getting into this then I hope you will take time get wisdom and learn from this too.
Because once is enough for me!